What now..? I wish life was as easy for me as it is for most...although "easy" is just a matter of perspective, but I'm just so tired of making my problems look small for the sake of others problems which as a matter of fact are petty and small and idiotic. Have you ever had to deal with a bipolar parent? Have you prevented someone from committing suicide? Have you ever hit someone dear so that they don't hit someone else who also is dear to you? Have you been backstabbed and left alone to fend for yourself by your friends in your time of need? Have people made fun of you losses & went on to discuss "that" song or mall or actor? Have ever felt that you'd be stuck looking after people never to have a life of your own? Yes? No? Maybe..? Let's just "LOL" at that because most have nothing to say for it's not something worthy of a "#Hashtag". If life were a videogame, I've been playing it in hell mode. Have I ever had a nervous breakdown that I told no one about because it'd make matters worse? Yes. Our reality is interconnected by this spiderweb of cause & effect spun by this spider that is neither good or bad. It just is. The result? I was/am/will be always this really really quiet & unpredictable weirdo swinging back and forth between absolute extroversion & introversion who served as entertainment for the most part of his life. Hahaha, I'm the joke people. LOL. People look upon others misery & suffering & instead of helping all they do is be thankful that it didn't happen to them. It's true. Nature is selfish and it trickles down to the biology of our being. Well, when it does happen to you, I just want you to know that I'd not feel the same way. My problem is empathy and imagination. Empathy so strong that I'm often lost and confused regarding the problems & situations that others have and the ones I have. Imagination adds - chaos. The thing is..there is a hierarchy to the magnitude of problems we face and yes it is damn easy to say you know nothing about my problems..well, should I? The truth is I have faced adversity and I am not one of those people who'd say "I'm proud of these scars.." Nope. I would very much like if certain events never happened in my life & I would do anything to make them go away. Most people think they know me, some pretend, some just don't care but here's the deal dearest humans..you see only what I choose to reveal about myself to you. You don't & probably would never see the whole picture because that would require a certain amount of compassion that is really uncool to have these days. Yeah, we're all these sarcastic assholes who like to pretend the Sun revolves around us. There are certain observation one makes but the conclusions drawn from those observations & the interpretation of that is your own. Most are happy that its over & thinking about the future & stuff but the fact of the matter is that I am stuck. And I can't be happy for you because as much as I hate it..I'm just human..right?
Amusing how emotions get in the way of logic & vice versa. Not all experiments require a lab, not all reactions observed in a test tube...While people speak, I quietly dissect their psyche and explore the anatomy of their soul. The cogs of reality that drives them in the direction they think they are moving towards. I observe. What makes them tick. What makes them explode.What makes them melt. Love. How much do I have to pull before they let go. How much coercing is needed before they throw themselves off the cliff. What actions would be required to set off the domino effect that'd set off another chain reaction of cause & effect? Each personality is an experiment. Lab animals, that's what humans are to me. We all are. There is nothing wrong with that..being an animal..humans are animals are they not? Most think they are the apex form of life..which is naively cute to be honest. Do I sense denial? Or is it ego? I don't have many friends & social networking doesn't mean a thing..however my loyalty to a chosen few is absolute, so is my vengeance. I never forget a face or a person, thats something good about me, it is also something very creepy & unhealthy. You know how they say, "some people just want to watch the world burn." I am not one one of them. I want the world to drown in the consequences of their own making, and get crushed by devices of their own design. I am here to observe, both what others do & also whether the observation ultimately changes me fundamentally. Most of what I've written would project me as some deranged psychopath. I'm not one although I certainly have the mental faculty to think like one. Whether that makes me a threat is something you experimental subjects decide, I have already catalysed the reaction whether you respond or not. I have described myself in a certain manner however, remember what I mentioned earlier? You only see what I choose to reveal. So... that said... what now?
Amusing how emotions get in the way of logic & vice versa. Not all experiments require a lab, not all reactions observed in a test tube...While people speak, I quietly dissect their psyche and explore the anatomy of their soul. The cogs of reality that drives them in the direction they think they are moving towards. I observe. What makes them tick. What makes them explode.What makes them melt. Love. How much do I have to pull before they let go. How much coercing is needed before they throw themselves off the cliff. What actions would be required to set off the domino effect that'd set off another chain reaction of cause & effect? Each personality is an experiment. Lab animals, that's what humans are to me. We all are. There is nothing wrong with that..being an animal..humans are animals are they not? Most think they are the apex form of life..which is naively cute to be honest. Do I sense denial? Or is it ego? I don't have many friends & social networking doesn't mean a thing..however my loyalty to a chosen few is absolute, so is my vengeance. I never forget a face or a person, thats something good about me, it is also something very creepy & unhealthy. You know how they say, "some people just want to watch the world burn." I am not one one of them. I want the world to drown in the consequences of their own making, and get crushed by devices of their own design. I am here to observe, both what others do & also whether the observation ultimately changes me fundamentally. Most of what I've written would project me as some deranged psychopath. I'm not one although I certainly have the mental faculty to think like one. Whether that makes me a threat is something you experimental subjects decide, I have already catalysed the reaction whether you respond or not. I have described myself in a certain manner however, remember what I mentioned earlier? You only see what I choose to reveal. So... that said... what now?
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